AMERICANWAY

runner. She gave honest advice on how best to navigate the challenges that come with runner/nonrunner unions. "The longer you stick with running and meet other runners, the more runners you have around you," she said. "It's like a cult. We make everybody drink the Kool-Aid. When I started running, my sis- ter didn't run. My mom didn't run. Today my sister has run marathons in 45 or 46 states. My mom, who is 86, is going to senior Olympics in the 5K. You look around one day, and everyone you know is a runner. I don't know what it's like to have a relationship with someone not into running … how you make it work." Which brings us to the most painful lesson: Despite everyone trying really hard, this may not work out. S i x t e e n w e e k s from New York, I went with Red to one of her Sat- urday runs. Saturdays are sacrosanct for marathoners. They gather together with their training groups to do their long runs. Red runs with a group that averages running each mile in 9.5 minutes. Today she's running 12 miles. Next weekend, it will be 14. Eventually she'll run 22 miles, which is just impossible for me to imagine. It was a pretty spectacular scene. We arrived at the Dallas-area lake where she trains at 5:30 a.m. The coaches' meeting was taking place. Hundreds of runners were stretching, adjusting their running watches, hydrating. A cop's flashlight directed a stream of cars into the lot. I strode among the fit, in boots and jeans, like a narc at recess. The spirit and camaraderie are truly impressive. Friends are pair- ing up, talking about how they've been. A man named Donny tells me how his boyfriend convinced him to take up running and how it transformed his life, making him not only healthier, but happier. "Is your boyfriend here?" Donny laughs: "He's on the couch. He gave it up." That gave me a glimmer of hope. But then I asked several others about their journeys and the people upon whom they leaned for sup- port. Every one of them — the 83-year-old Brit, the college professor, the former beauty queen who is now a painter, the running coach — echoed what Hamilton told me. Everyone close to them is or has become a runner. "I do feel it's difficult to relate to those who don't run," says Heidi Somes, who'd just finished running a marathon with her husband on Easter Island. (He proposed to her at the finish line of a marathon.) "You're always having to explain the 'why' of running. And I don't see a marathon as a chore. I see it as a test and an adventure." I see Red before she heads off. "I'll be in the car when you get back." When Red was training for the half-marathon, I'd downloaded an app called "Couch-to-5K" and used it to train for a small run. Even though it was only 3.1 miles, I figured it was a way to make a small gesture that showed I supported her running. It was becoming clear that such small gestures were not enough. She still had 16 weeks to go before New York. I barely saw her on Satur- days. (After the run, there's the group breakfast, then the hours-long nap.) I work out in the evenings, which means our schedules are out of whack. I could tell, seeing her around these people, that it wasn't just the activity. It was them. They brought her joy. There was no way New York was going to be the last marathon. It was going to be the first of many. I got on the app store and downloaded a slightly different mobile-app program: "5K-to-10K." I have yet to open it. I plan to, though. I think it holds my final lesson: Red is worth it. stretching; tools for stretching; clothing; appropriate ointments; preferred bars, pastes and goo for ingestion; trails versus hills; hills versus tempo runs. I want to reiterate: I have no problem with this. We all get caught up in our passions. I was and am happy Red finds such joy in running, and she can talk about it all day as far as I'm concerned. But what happens is this: I stay quiet, because I have little to say. I listen and learn. I'm OK with that. Inevitably, though, her friends are not. They want to understand why I'm not participating. This is where things get dicey. "Eric, do you run?" The question was asked during an otherwise lovely dinner for six at an upscale restaurant. "I exercise often," I said, which I've found is the best response. "Three to five days a week." "But you don't run?" The couple to our left, Annie and Brian, are marathoners. They run, train, love and laugh together. They are the picture-perfect running couple. They also know Red and I well enough not to go down this path. They honor my support-don't-do stance on running. The other couple was new. The male seemed a little thickheaded. He was the one asking the questions. "I do not," I answered. "I run sprints. But, no, I don't 'run' like you guys run." "Why not?" "I just prefer exercising in a g ym," I said. "Easier on my knees." "Oh , I c a n show you how to ma ke your knees stronger, if you want to try running." "I do not," I said. "It's OK if you can't run that far at first." "Well, it makes my knees hurt," I said. "A nd I don't enjoy it. A nd I like work- ing out on my schedule. A nd r unning is perhaps the most inefficient way to shock your body into substantive change, which is what someone my age is trying to do when he works out. And I like the solitude of my exercising, and I enjoy that I never have to talk about it." Left unsaid: like right now. We sti l l see A n n ie a nd Br ia n. We never saw the other couple again. S o w h a t happens when a r u n ner a nd a non r u n ner decide to live together? Especially insightful is the debate that followed a running-blog question put to readers: "Is it easier to date a runner than a nonrunner?" A ty pical answer: "Life is an adventure, and adventures are meant to be shared — I don't want to experience the world while the love of my life sits at home on the couch. That wouldn't work for us." Tish Hamilton ran her first marathon in 1989. She ran because a guy at work challenged her to do so. That guy, a triathlete, became her boyfriend and then her husband. She's since run about 45 marathons. Earlier this year, Hamilton wrote a brave essay for Runner's World that was picked up by The Huffington Post called "Untying the Knot," in which she discussed how getting divorced challenged her as a ERIC CELESTE is a columnist for D Magazine, the city magazine of Dallas. As of this issue, he is still a nonrunner. T H I N G S T O D O O N R A C E D A Y Make a sign! They love seeing it as they pass. Try to let them know approximately what mile marker they'll see you at. The antici- pation helps motivate the runner. Be a calming influence. The runner will be nervous about every aspect of the day (weather, transporta- tion, etc.). You need to stabilize him or her. Don't eat. The runner is going to want a big meal afterward. A A .CO M/A M E R I C A NWAY O C TO B E R 2 01 4 8 3

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