Carmel Magazine

O ce the mental vitriol settles and life begins to normalize, looking back on a broken marriage can quite resemble reflecting on childbirth: You start to forget the pain and remember the "good stuff." In my case, there is plen- ty of both. Truth is, there is too much good to even wrap my mind around, and I consider myself fortunate. Off the top of my head, I can quickly think of several "life-lessons" gleaned from being in close quarters for almost two decades with one smart person. NEVER SLAM THE DOOR This goes for any and all doors; cars, kitchen cabinets, hallways. The obvious reason is to protect the arti- cle itself from constant wear-and- tear, and to make less noise. But, the unseen lesson here is one of gentle- ness (something I was surely lacking until later in life). If you can con- sciously close a door, you are likely able to handle other things with care. Perhaps ordinary objects can be placed, not tossed. Maybe a hug is given with an embrace and not a clench. At first, I was adverse to this con- cept of not slamming, thinking it had no matter in day-to-day life. But once I lived with that kind of noise consideration, I real- ized how jarring it was to hear a microwave-oven door slammed with the force of a Tyson punch. KILL NOTHING Spiders, bees, mice, rats—all were (and still are) safe in our home. There was never a reason to kill anything that was not hurting one of us. The solution was easy; grab a towel, a jar, a piece of paper, and relocate the critter outside. Because of the respect shown to all living things (with the exception of mos- quitos and red ants) my daughter Morgan and her siblings grew up afraid of almost nothing; not a snake in the yard or a spider in the sink. It's quite a Libertarian point of view… why disturb something that is just trying to make a life for itself? (Or a web, or a nest?) It takes some mental training to not be frightened, but there are fewer gross messes of smooshed creatures to clean up. BE A RECEIVER, NOT JUST A TRANSMITTER Listen…listen to what your friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances have to say. Don't just hear them. Tuning in and being curious teaches us about those with whom we keep company. Being a skilled "talker" can be great, but so is know- ing the fundamentals of conversation: It should resemble a 50/50 deal. It doesn't entail blabbing non-stop, often about nothing, which is boring to those who have to endure it. Worse, verbal diarrhea is often a sign of nervousness, too much ego or too little confidence. Listening is an art; it takes practice and deepens connections. CHILL OUT, CALM DOWN For decades, I resembled a road-runner, darting around from here-to-there as quickly as I could...loading the calendar from morning til night…blowing up when the stress got to be too much. Then the word, "tranquila!" was inserted into my life. Oh, I resisted. But over time, and with observation, I realized that being too busy is a distraction from being, that drama should always be left at the door, and that being calm has many benefits. First, it seemed to have an anti-aging effect on those I observed who never let themselves get "worked up." Secondly, blood pressure is usually low in those who are able to remain composed, who can stand back and look at situations without immediately reacting. Thirdly, you begin to realize that most of the stuff that got you worked up was next-to-meaningless in the first place; Stressed out, loud, dramatic anything just isn't worth the adrenaline release or the annoyance to those around you. No downsides here. Throw in some meditation and you're good to go. THERE ARE NO SECRETS IN THE WORLD There never have been and there never will be, which is why I have no qualms writing this column. Dina Eastwood is a former news anchor at KSBW TV, past host of "Candid Camera" and has starred on a reality show on the E! Network. She is a writer, editor and yogini. She resides on the Monterey Peninsula with her daughter, Morgan. BEHIND THE SPOTLIGHT D I N A E A S T W O O D Spiders, bees, mice, rats—all were and are safe in our home. There was never a reason to kill anything that was not hurting one of us. Five Things I Learned From My Ex 38 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • S P R I N G / S U M M E R 2 0 1 5

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