Retail Observer

RETAILOBSERVER.COM MAY 2016 44 Y ears ago, one of my executive coaching clients and I sat down to have our beginning-of-the-year meeting. We'd been working together a few years, primarily to strengthen his own leadership skills, improve the performance and morale of his team, and ultimately improve the bottom line of his business. He was a bright, powerful presence with an earnest heart and a super-quick brain. He walked fast and talked fast and often got distracted and people had a hard time with him, even when they liked him or respected his business acumen. His interpersonal skills were clunky at best, and he regularly alienated people with his insensitivity and lack of awareness. We worked on this, as I know that often it's a leader's strong interpersonal skills that can be the differentiator for his success. A brilliant business mind cannot make up for or overcome the damage, alienation and devaluing one's team or peers can cause. We talked about language, framing, understanding the context and content of conversations. We worked on emotional intelligence and the inefficiencies of poor communication. We practiced empathy and listening and each year he set goals and got a little bit better. His team would hesitantly regain trust, step forward, begin to innovate. Somewhat regularly, we'd prepare for a meeting or talk, and I'd watch in disbelief when he'd begin to wander down exactly the path we talked about avoiding. Oh, nooooooooo... I'd think. You did NOT just do that...and I longed for close proximity so I could give him a quick kick in the shins under the table. He'd just undo everything he'd work so hard to build in one, quick off-comment or episode of shaming. Typically, when I work with coaching clients, we take time to do some self-assessment, maybe a cultural assessment to check perceptions, and my client identifies his or her goals for our coaching. These are generally behavior-based, or mind-set based, and we use the real-time scenarios of their working life to apply new ideas, skills or practices. It's a magic sort of dance when it works (and it often works) because I get to be the trusted advisor and coach behind-the scenes and the client really does all the hard work—showing up, trying new things, being courageous in ways where they've not felt confident or competent before. Or, just recognizing where their edges are, the frontiers in their own leadership they've not yet explored. But this time, at this meeting, I decided that I was going to tell him what I thought his goals should be for the coming year. I'd watched him and I felt confident that there were some sabotaging behaviors that were getting in the way of his progress and my hinting or waiting around for him to discover it on his own wasn't really the humane thing to do. And, as I always say, "feel free to ignore me." I offer options and advice and ask them to consider—"yours to explore or ignore." "I think you need to focus our coaching and your development in three areas this year," I remember saying. "First," I said, "you need to lead from the front. You cannot ask anyone to do what you are not also willing to do, whether that's focus, or risk-taking, or research. You must walk your talk." He nodded in agreement. Okay, he could do that. "Second," I said, "you must increase your specificity in your communication and feedback, including both positive and negative elements. In other words, stop getting angry with your people for not reading your mind. And stop withholding specific praise and recognition when it's warranted. Instead, I want you to practice higher levels of specificity both about what you want and also about what's going well with your team." He nodded again. He could do that, too. "Finally," I said, "you need to be more vulnerable... " Uh? What? He had been nodding and he stopped me right there. "What do you mean by vulnerable?" He already wasn't wild about this idea. "You need to be more honest and sincere in your interactions," I began. "If you don't know the answer, don't bluff it. Stop trying to be the smartest guy in the room, and be willing to be curious and investigative. Admit when you're wrong. Show some humility. Be willing to take ownership and step up." I'd like to say that he dove right in and was perfect at this, but he wasn't. Vulnerability, unlike what people commonly think, isn't about weakness. Vulnerability is about recognizing your humanity, taking risks, and coming to ground in your own courage. When we are willing to be vulnerable, we are more open, more aware, and more willing to learn. This leader's team needed to see his humanness as much as they needed to experience any sort of superhero antics from him because they needed to be able to trust him. Vulnerability is what it takes to step into the innovation arena or the creativity circle. It allows us to hear and see differently. Where can you step to the edge of your own vulnerability? Next month, we'll take a look at some ideas about how to actually practice this hidden and essential skill for leaders. Libby Wagner Culture Coach Libby Wagner, author of The Influencing Option: The Art of Building a Profit Culture in Business, works with clients to help them create and sustain Profit Cultures www.libbywagner.com RO LEADERSHIP'S BIGGEST SECRET

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