The Somm Journal

28 { THE SOMM JOURNAL } DECEMBER/JANUARY 2018/2019 Dear Good Somm/Bad Somm, As a vegan, I recently decided that I didn't want to drink any wines that were fined or filtered with animal products . . . but now I've also decided that I don't want to drink wines made with forced animal labor or animal fertilizer, either. What can I drink? Sincerely, Seeking Sound Selections Dear Seeking Sound Selections, As we all know, many wines are filtered with fining agents like egg whites and other animal byproducts. Although these agents do not remain in the bottled wine, I understand how the practice might make some vegans uncomfortable. The good news is that animal products and labor are increas - ingly being replaced by plant-based products and other methods, but unfortunately there's no regulatory body to inform consum- ers of this yet. So as of now, the only way to know if your wine is vegan is to contact the producer directly—you'll likely find they're more than happy to answer questions. Do the research and weigh your options! Best of luck, Good Somm Dear Seeking Sound Selections, Remember wine is an agricultural product, not a 3D-printed commodity (yet!). It's grown by farmers on grape farms called vineyards, and as you may recall, there are animals on farms that do a lot of . . . stuff. And that's the way it should be. Horses should be pulling plows and goats should be eating weeds and owls should be snatching up rodents and lady bugs should be eating pests—be - cause if they're not doing that, then what are they doing? They can't just stay in the barn and watch Jerr y Springer and Ellen all day! I say let the animals work as long as they're being treated humanely: It keeps them off the streets, out of trouble, and out of the glue factory. Yours, Bad Somm Dear Good Somm/Bad Somm, I recently read about a young busboy who tried to save a wounded Robert F. Kennedy after he was fatally shot in 1968 at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles. The busboy, Juan Romero, was remembered once again as a hero after his own death in October at 68. Was a sommelier ever known for doing something as heroic? Sincerely, Where's the Glory? Dear Where's the Glory?, It's true that Juan Romero was only 17 when RFK was shot, and as he lay wounded, Romero cradled his head and placed a rosary in his hand. Romero said he was haunted by the moment for the rest of his life. In my research, I can't name a sommelier involved in a similar act of heroism or tragedy. The one comparison I can mention is that during the reign of Louis XIV, the sommelier used a tastevin to check his lord's wine and food for poison. They literally risked death, so there was a certain amount of bravery involved! Best, Good Somm Dear Where's the Glory? To the best of my knowledge, sommeliers are not exactly known for their bravery, and I've been in the business more than 20 years. There was a time I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a guy choking on a large chunk of sinewy lamb loin, which was pretty badass, but perhaps not exactly "heroic." All and all, I'd have to say my colleagues and I have never faced life-or-death stakes during service . . . and we'd prefer to keep it that way. Yours truly, Bad Somm This column is a parody and does not reflect the views of The SOMM Journal. Follow the columnists at @goodsommbadsomm on social media and visit their page at goodsommbadsomm.com. PHOTO BY TAILEX VIA ADOBE THINKSTOCK

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