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On My Own by Diane Rehm I n "On My Own," Diane Rehm shares her experience of early grief after los- ing John Rehm, her husband of 54 years. Rehm's attempt to discover who she will be without her lifemate offers up questions any of us might consider when faced with such loss. How do we go on, the first day, the next day, and the day after that? Do we opt for distraction from grief through busyness or do we allow ourselves to be steeped in mem- ories and sadness? How does one get accustomed to being single at 78, when she's been partnered since age 25? This marriage moved from the griev- ances of stereotypical gender roles to a partnership that had to accommodate dramatic change: a time when Rehm's success in her career exceeded that of her husband; and later, John's helplessness from Parkinson's disease; later still, their mutual deci- sion to move him into assisted living; and finally, his decision to end his life. This meant he had to starve himself, refusing water, food and medica- tion. It took 10 harrowing days, during which his wife witnessed his difficulty and railed against a legal system that disallows agency for the termi- nally ill patient. For a woman who's been called "the class act of the radio world," (National Journal) this book is an extension of that class act. It's honest, inti- mate, and self-convicting, while never slipping into self-pity or self-indulgence. Always a con- duit—a place where voices come together to explore and inform—Rehm would never limit a contemplation on marriage, loss, grief, and wid- owhood to her own insights. By including so much of what she's learned from others, she almost downplays her own experience. But it's not out of secrecy or protection of privacy; it's an act of graciousness toward us, her listeners. There is much to admire in the honesty and grace of this book: Rehm's inclusion of unusual details, like how a cutting board can launch a wave of remembering; Rehm's confession, "…some of us are care- givers and I suspect I'm not one of them;" the simplicity of the line, "…I cry when I'm alone;" and the heartbreak of the statement, "It is to him that I want to speak." If it's possible to have more respect for Diane Rehm than you already pos- sess, this book will take you there. Falling: A Daughter, a Father and a Journey Back by Elisha Cooper I n this memoir, a father attempts to make sense of an unspeakable situation—a kid with a lump— Wilms' Tumor. The author's wife is a psychology professor at NYU and Cooper is the stay-at- home dad who shuttles Zoë and her younger sister Mia to their schools and takes them out after school for hot chocolate or to the park to climb trees. He's a good father. He has written a slew of children's books. For 22 weeks that fall, ever y Friday, the par- ents take Zoë for chemotherapy. That winter, when the treatment is almost over, the author and his family are at a holiday par ty and he is caught off guard by seeing his daughter from across the room. 108 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • S U M M E R / F A L L 2 0 1 7 IN REVIEW B Y M E L A N I E B I S H O P IN REVIEW her husband; and later, John's helplessness from mate, and self-convicting, while never slipping details, like how a cutting board can launch a wave of remembering; Rehm's confession, "…some of us are care- givers and I suspect I'm not one of them;" the simplicity of the line, "…I cry when I'm alone;" and the heartbreak of the statement, "It is to him that I want to speak." for Diane Rehm than you already pos- sess, this book will take you there. a Father and a Journey Back by Elisha Cooper situation—a kid with a lump— Wilms' Tumor. professor at NYU and Cooper is the stay-at- Three Provocative Memoirs of Strength and Survival