Issue link: http://www.e-digitaleditions.com/i/742011
Genus: Oncorkynchus pronghornii Habitat: Wide-open spaces inland American West Life History: Contrary to common opinion, the troutalope is not rare. In fact, thousands of people have a stuffed one in the garage, bagged with other incredible junk headed to the Salvation Army. Oh, sorry, about that. We were thinking of the jackalope, not the troutalope. Jackalopes are elusive but not rare; not so the troutalope. More in a minute. The very common jackalope is a mythical animal of North American folklore whose origins date back to the Depression years of the 1930s when an underemployed taxidermist in Wyoming (Douglas Herrick, 1920-2003) decided to mount antelope and small deer horns on stuffed jackrabbit heads and sell them to East Coast tourists, like the New Yorker passing through Wyoming in 1935, who spied a Lepus temperamentalus in a souvenir shop. Tourist: "Wow! These things really exist?" Curio Dealer: "Watching them mate is the most fun." Tourist: (a little embarrassed): "When that happens, which is on top?" Dealer: "Well, it ain't the rabbit." T he jackalope's life history is well known. Born the offspring of a pygmy antelope and a "killer" rabbit, jackalopes are extremely shy, can be milked (they sleep on their backs and enjoy the fondling), and can be caught with a bottle of Irish whisky. President Ronald Reagan was given a mounted jackalope by Senator James Abdnor in 1986, but it is not known whether this was just a ceremonial gesture, or if the two had been granted hunting licenses and collected the animal legally out in the sage- brush flats far west of the capital to court the gun-rights vote. We do know that all politicians are hunters when voting season opens and the NRA reaches for its checkbook. In 1993 Bill Clinton bought a hunting license, dressed up in camo, donned waders, and borrowed a Winchester shotgun to go duck hunting. He spent two hours—count them—waiting for a mallard duck to show up. Among the party, a single duck was shot, but the President said he never inhaled—oh sorry, never pulled the trigger. T routalope? Are we making this up? Of course we are not making this fish up. Truth be known, they still swim freely in many western streams and a few rivers. But they are never caught. Hooked, yes; landed, no. And here's why. First, only people with subnormal intelligence are allowed to fish for them legally. And, with an IQ at or below 75, these people are simply too smart to take up fly fishing in the first place. 122 • S P O R T I N G C L A S S I C S